When I sit and think about all that Mr Lil and I have been through in the quest to have a baby I sometimes wonder how we have survived it. I knew when I met him that Mr Lil was the one for me - I remember waking my sister up at a ridiculously silly hour in the morning to tell her about this 'boy' that I'd met and how fabulous he was. I remember that within two days of meeting him I contemplated ending things because I was so scared of how powerful my feelings for him were. I also remember knowing that it was right to move in with him after less than a week - I will never ever forget the look of utter disgust and pure desperation on my Mother's face when I was putting my belongings in to the car to move to my new home. Add to that the huge amount of negativity that our relationship has received at one point or another and mainly from one person, sometimes I really do wonder how we have ever got this far. But we have and I 100% know that we are beyond breakable.
I read the blog with such sadness at times and pure relief that I wasn't able to relate to the bloggers posts about how infertility had affected her marriage. That doesn't mean that I think that my marriage is better than hers or stronger or different in any other way than the fact that by the time infertility came along for us we had already been through so much and learnt how to communicate with one another that I think that we just felt it was another thing to have to deal with in life. Smug....no.....grateful.....yes!
Recently I have been seeing a hypnotherapist/counsellor and I think that this is helping hugely with my positivity etc but also the sessions are really teaching me so much about myself and what I want from life. The overwhelming thing that it has taught me is that it's perfectly reasonable to aim for the moon but you know what, landing in the stars is just perfect too.
( NB - I do know that meteorologically that isn't entirely correct)
xxx
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