Dear Infertility,
I think that you have been expecting this letter for some time, perhaps even longer than I have been planning to write it for.
We've been together for almost 11 years now but if I'm honest, I just really don't see a future for us. In the early days I hated you but fairly soon you won me over and I got used to having you around. I stopped feeling like you were bullying me and picking on me and instead I came to trust you and find comfort in you. However, now it's time for you to move on and find someone else. How I wish that you didn't have to find someone else, someone to put through those agonising days, tear filled nights and someone whose heart you'll make ache but I know that you will and my deepest respect goes out to that person for having you as part of their life.
I often wonder how I'll cope without you......how will I cope with having no-one to blame, how will I cope with not having a reason, how will I cope with you not being the first thing that I think of in the morning and the last thing that I think of at night. How will I cope without your voice in my head telling me how inadequate I am, how my husband would be better off with someone else, how I am the only friend left in my group of friends who hasn't got children.....How will I cope? The answer to this is I don't know, really I don't but I am willing to at least try.
Right now I feel like the new girl at school with no friends, cold in the playground with no-one to turn to. You did this to me, you made me depend on you to the point where no-one else would understand so how can I expect others to have the answers now. But actually I don't mind being the new girl, I don't mind making new friends and I don't mind shaking off my security blanket even if that makes me cold for a little while. I'd rather be cold and hopeful than warm and empty of hope.
I'd like to say that it was good while it lasted but it really wasn't! But you did teach me a lot about myself, stuff that I'd never have learnt otherwise.
Perhaps you're not ready to leave just yet but when you are please can you lock the door behind you and post the keys through the letterbox....you won't be needing them again.
Bye
Mrs Lil
PS - Perhaps I'll write to you again and let you know how I am coping without you
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